I recently trademarked the KONG OFF brand and will be offering a coffin for all you die hard Donkey Kong fans. You will play to your death trying to out score top players by 100 pts or more. Why stop there? I will provide a detailed, to specs, Donkey Kong upright cabinet, that my in house professionals(taxidermists) will staple your ass and glue your hands to the apropriate hardware, so you may continue to play in your afterlife.

A 100 year battery pack, for live streaming on Justin TV with cooperation with Aurcade.com, will provide another lifetime of uninteresting, repetitve boringness of this overrated game.

Burial Plot? No worries. Our landfill provides a spacious, yet full view charmer just minutes from the center of the Earth.

Act now DK junkies. Supplies and your time is limited.

The first 100 callers get a 10% discount with Hank Chien plastic surgery*


*Only on Thursdays between 930am-11am. Hank can only make you look like Jumpman or a hammer so refrain from asking to be transformed into other icons.

Will the Kong-offin be available in red and blue?

Is this another one of Richie's ingenious merchandising ideas?

Any color you want. If you think your a pharaoh I'll make in gold to resemble tuts coffin

Well, it would certainly take a genius to think up something like this! Any thoughts on a catchy slogan?

heh heh nice!

lakeman421 Wrote: Is there a Crazy Kong one available for 99%ers such as myself?

Nothing says worthless member of society like our new Crazy Kong Coffin. Hand crafted from recycled trash left behind by Occupy Wallstreeters. Our in house Graffiti Art Specialist, Raul, will tag and bedazzle this ghetto-ass treasure, in way that will leave you feeling lazy, unappreciated and entitled while you wait for Your Obama Bucks. Act later and you'll probably get this for free.

Crazy Kong game play hasn't changed. A coked out gorilla(Crazy Kong/Danny Trejo) kidnaps and enslaves Justin Beibers oversized girlfriend into prostitution. Justin works undercover as a 99%er. He menuvers his way through the projects and is faced with obstacles such as 40oz beer barrels, crack factory, flying car hydraulics and Hep-C.


I know. It sounds like afterschool special

"Hammer the final nail in your very own Kong-offin. Barrels of fun-- lifetime guaranteed!"

A lot of players are really into this idea. Tankgunner is a smart guy!